I have spent three weeks here and have yet to discover this! A sight of the land I will come to know and miss. I found a tree resting on the hillside. I climbed to find a moment I know will last a lifetime. I am alone in peace, in the eye of the storm. I see mountains, valleys, foliage and the lake, fully exposed. I see the people, their homes and their crops. Lost in a moment. An almost timeless state. I have found the perfect branch for my thoughts to nest. I put my mind at rest. Atop the tree, the sun reaches me, peeking over the hillside, rising with its light, warming my back. It inspires me. I see more clearly, riding its rays, the light propels me forward… I am taken by the wave and awake in a waking state.
The man carries a heavy load of wood upon his back. I go unnoticed in my silence, watching him from above, and I choose not to speak. Are we causing more weight, sitting before them placing words on a blank page? Life between us is not the same, or is it? I feel moments of disgrace, and through fear I lack their strength. Am I carrying my own weight?
“Only the doer learns” – Zarathustra
I am here to learn, experience, and then to find a medium in which I can teach. I have fleeting moments of doubt on darker days, but I am brought back, reminded of my strength through a friend´s words, through the words of one of the great, what the spirit says is like going with your gut feeling and sometimes you might not know why you need to do something, but if you don´t don't do it then you'll never know why you should or shouldn´t have done it. I am quick to doubt myself. I do not aspire for set ideals. I never stay within restraints. I struggle in great lengths. I watch my thoughts evolve, letting them be, but not letting them last, extracting what I can as night and day pass. Through dreams in mind and through the night, I try to listen for what is now and not the past. If you know me well, I often follow the images and words I find behind closed eyes. I often rely on what I see, through and through, two eyes blind, the third I search to find.
"I desire nothing of things, except that I may lie down before them like a mirror with a hundred eyes." - Zarathustra
To overcome my greatest fear, I commit myself to changing consistently. The fingers of reason are unable to grasp the reality of the experience itself. My own reason is one of my greatest mistrusts, thus doubt has become one of my greatest abilities, finding intellectual problems over-sighting the ways in which I now see. Freelance philosophy, without reason, is how I now choose to create, for without the freedom, philosophy is another dream. I am continuously skeptical, for no reason thus far has set my mind free. Experiencing life through art, literature, music, and film, only with a growing passion, is the closest I will get to not or not not knowing what it is to be philosophizing. Trying to define the truth is blinding; it is felt and known but not spoken. I am redefining what is reasoning.
"Unutterable and nameless is that which torments and delights my soul and is the hunger of my belly." – Zarathustra
I am lead to believe in creating through presence and participation. Art is my medium and my movement to create. Creation is the movement, to teach is to inspire but to know is only an occurrence felt through oneself and through experience. The influential life force is the child within: passionate, chaotic and free. Carrying the inspiration to live forever, again and again, and thus through eternity. The art of a child is a revelation of insight.
“An electrical storm that breaks upon the cloud and bad weather which has caused it.” – Zarathustra
After our visit to school, even more kids have arrived. They appear more comfortable to play outside our house as we prepare a meal for the night. They build a world with their imaginations and all the supplies come from the earth. They bring bundles of moss wrapped in their shirts, adding rocks, sticks, leaves, and whatever they can find. I become inspired to draw. They are soon distracted, watching my pen almost hypnotized, lost in the patterns I create. Finding silence as their eyes gaze. After I am done, they collect some river clay and make more little creations that take them through to the end of the light of day. We look up to the falling sky, see colors we have never seen, running for our cameras, then up the hill to capture the sight, the moment feels like a dream; a herd of children running with desire to share and create. Our actions between, perpetuating momentum, a continuous exchange. The children have so much fun with so little, and when the moment grows, it flows, as abstract willing. I question how our cultures grow together as a witness to another world with the weight of both worlds.
"He who wants to become a child must overcome even his youth." - Zarathustra
Our imaginations evolve as we grow older, whether we choose to keep them or lose them is not the question but rather if we allow them to grow and remain at play, how we choose to apply our knowledge. In most cases, the more we know, the more we question our actions, the more we try to find meaning and the more we lose our freeplay. A new goal: to remain a child, to always imagine and to have as many dreams as one can have and let them change as many times as one can imagine.
“Dance beyond yourselves! What does it matter that you are failures!” – Zarathustra
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