“He closed his pallid eyes and slept, not through weakness of flesh but through determination of will… He wanted to dream a man; he wanted to dream him in a minute entirety and impose him on reality… In the dream of the man that dreamed, the dreamed one awoke… Fire was the only one who knew his son to be a phantom.” – Ficciones
Hot and cold winds cloud my mind; infusions of emotions now collide. Inspiration draws from a flash of light; a question is born out of the dark night. What can I do from where I stand? I fight in fear of losing sight. The perception I have now, will it be buried in time? Never reborn? Or will the mind realign to an appearance of right? Am I a phantom? The question bites. If I do not act and reflect now, all is for nothing and nothing I am. I can see no further than the light that passes through my eyes, into my mind. I see only the illusion of height I attempt to climb.
“No book is also a stairway, though doubtless there are books that discuss and deny demonstrate this possibility and others whose structure corresponds to that of a stairway.” – Ficciones
How I crave to be alone and without thought, thoughts that speak and cry in plight; ‘look at me’, ‘look at what could be’ but they cannot. They desire an end but the end is never near. The end does not exist. Thoughts search to find the one dream we share but their act remains infantile. Their nature is ever-changing and their existence extends beyond the endless. I find both stillness and unrest. To remain between is the test. I appreciate the pain and ease, the practice to be free, to question what we might become.
“Lost in these imaginary illusions I forgot my destiny.” – Ficciones
The tree I sat in was not the same tree. It might have been a similar location and it might have had similar leaves but my sitting and your sitting require two separate beings, two separate days and two separate trees. Why strive for the same? Only in separation from another man´s dream is any great thing achieved. Forever I search for new trees atop new mountains, and as you climb those behind me, I continue striving. I seek taller trees and taller mountains beyond the sights we see.
I am young. Innocent and ignorant. I am still learning but I am also fresh and without commitment. Full of doubt. Doubt I forever desire. That I find inspiring. What I believe helps me to see clearly. We know no solutions but desire to will the value of one into the world. There is no one solution, only partial ones. The one is outside of opportunity but is one we will forever strive to foresee. Partial solutions are all we can see, no extremes are necessary, but inspiring small steps, perhaps that is what all individuals need. Momentary dreams we allow to pass.
Time is not now, it is ahead and out of reach, trying to catch up. My mind is racing. I cannot slow it down until I am comforted by my mind's will to commit to a single dream, no longer with uncertainty. I let it be to put my mind at ease, to go on tricking my mind to find some sleep.
“The certainty that everything has been already written nullifies or makes phantoms of us all.” – Ficciones